02: Questions and answers

I never failed to adapt to a new situation or a sudden change. I was saying this to one of my friend who recently moved in here, in this same city. No matter how much I worry about things, I just learn to adapt. Is it happening in a healthy way in all cases? Hell, no. Sometimes I just distract myself to move a step further, never try to settle in a permanent solution. Why is it so hard to find permanent solutions? Am I still so unsure about my decisions? Am I too lazy to look far beyond? Am I afraid of another emotional breakdown? Am I just thinking everything is temporary?

I think the answer lies in all of these above questions. Life looks complicated to me from time to time. My extremely structured thinking and problem-solving methods would be another trigger. I stack my priorities nowadays. It is a great update from everything looked so messy inside my head, helps me reduce my anxiety. But this makes me want to do one task at a time although I am capable of doing more than one at a time and sometimes multi-tasking ability is so vital in life. The stages involved in moving into a new place involved a lot of thought. I could have searched an apartment at the same time I was searching for an internship. It wasn’t the cleverest idea at the time to take things slow when I was running out of time. Maybe I will learn to do it better next time. And I am afraid of another trauma or a possible depressing stage in life. I am working on these questions to find proper solutions.

Sometimes I wonder why do I need to overthink about everything. It has become a habit for sure. I am learning a lot anyway. It feels like I am in the right direction in the case of my career. The topic of relationship or love is still a grey zone as I agree to the fact that I am too high-maintenance. I may figure out that sooner or later. I shouldn’t disturb my peace of mind with these questions anyway. I feel like these questions can wait and cannot wait at the same time. I am diving back into more literature help nowadays. Audible makes it a bit easier these days. I am glad I am continuing this learning process.

So. am I sad? Not at all. Am I happy? Ahh.. ya but it’s more like somewhere in between. Are my standards too high? Always. But does it worth it? I guess so because those make me who I am and I don’t really mind having high standards. Dear Sanjay, your life isn’t complicated but just stop trying to push all the buttons at once.

[…will be continued…]

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